we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
