Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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