What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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