Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
