Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
