Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
