it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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