How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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