Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
