Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
