just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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