Jerry, you need to find god
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
