i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
