we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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