So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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