sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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