Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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