Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
