I love black thongs
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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