yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How does it feel to date your dad?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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