i will never coherently bang her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
