Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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