First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
