My sheets look like a crime scene.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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