no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
