sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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