booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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