? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
