you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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