Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
