how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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