May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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