so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
