Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
