There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
