I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
