Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
