he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
