so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
