Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
