god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
