gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
