So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
