I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
