I bet he comes in French.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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