Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize