All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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