She said her name was "party"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
