I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
