So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
