goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
