I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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