Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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