I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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