he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
