I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
