We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
