ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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