now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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