Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
