it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
