If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
