Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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