she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
