By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
