i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
