omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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